Yes, You Probably Should Say “No” More
If you are reading this blog, chances are you have trouble telling people “no”. I get it, you want to be able to show up for people. You want to be able to do all the things. And in a perfect world, maybe you wouldn't have to say no. But in reality, you have other things on your plate, people (including yourself) to take care of, a to-do list a mile long, and a deadline around the corner. So yes, sometimes we need to be able to say no.
The inability to be able to set boundaries and tell people no to things can leave us feeling resentful, overwhelmed and stressed. We take on so much, as to not disappoint others and so people will think highly of us. But in the end, we are saying yes to things we do not have time for or want to do. This creates a cycle of stress and anxiety that many of us are so desperately trying to get out of. You want to feel at peace and energized. Never saying no to things does not allow for this. If anything, what it does is makes you so stressed and angry that you end up blowing up in the end.
Times when you should say no.
If you are struggling with being able to not take on any more, or to say no to others requests, you might be saying yes to things that are really going to set you back for different reasons. Since you know you would say yes in most cases, let’s start with some areas in which you should really focus on saying no.
It crosses a boundary for you or goes against your values. If the thing someone is asking you to do is going against your boundaries, you need to just say no. Standing up for yourself and following your values is the most important thing you can do to truly feel at your best. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
When you have too much on your plate. You know you have a lot going on. Your schedule is full and you are just barely hanging in there and then your coworker asks you to cover something for them. Don’t do it. Protect your time and space. You deserve to not feel overloaded and chances are this is just going to leave you feeling overwhelmed and resentful.
You are just trying to please others. People pleasing may leave the other person feeling happy and pleased, but rarely does it leave you feeling happy and pleased. Show up for yourself before you show up for others.
How to say No.
So what do you say when you really just can’t do something for someone. While, “no” is absolutely a complete sentence, It can feel rough around the edges. Here are some nicer ways to not take anything else on and protect your peace.
Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t take anything else on right now.
I wish I could, but my plate is full at the moment.
I am busy right now, but get back to me next week and I will see what works with my schedule.
No, thank you, but that sounds interesting.
I am not comfortable with that, but is there something else I could help with?
I really enjoyed helping you last time, but this time just is not good for me.
I appreciate that offer, but I am going to have to decline at this time.
That won’t work for me, but thanks for asking.
I can’t take anything else on right now, but good luck!
No, not today.
Try one of these out next time you really just can't take on anything else. See how it feels for you, see what it does.
Having the ability to set boundaries around when and what we do for other people, allows us to take care of ourselves first. When we take care of ourselves first, we are able to show up for people wholeheartedly. We are able to enjoy the things we do say yes to because we know that we have the time, and ability to do so. You deserve to be able to say no more when you need to. The people in your life that matter won’t think less of you for it. They will adjust and go about their day, just like you will.
If you are still struggling around the area of setting boundaries and saying “no” to others, reach out, I can help. Therapy is a great way to understand why you struggle in this area and how you can change it. We can work together to build a life that reflects who you want to be.
Jaclyn H. Burwell provides online therapy in the states of Pennsylvania and North Carolina.
